Good and Bad, Mostly Bad, Ways to Fill Your Empty Soul: #22 Ride in a Hot Air Balloon

Ride in a Hot Air Balloon

Ride in a Hot Air Balloon

What it Entails:

This is a great hobby for mixing phobias. What you’re going to participate in is a mixture of wide-open spaces, claustrophobically small spaces, proximity to fire, lightning, flocks of migratory birds and heights. And why would you do this?

The view.

Sort of like one you could get safely, and for free, from a skyscraper.

Hot air balloons combine the maneuverability of a manatee with the grace of a… This is a bad metaphor. Hot air balloons were a good idea before the Wright Brothers. Since then we’ve had better methods of traversing the sky. Even blimps are better. Even hydrogen blimps are better. They’re faster, they’re more maneuverable, just as quiet, oh and they don’t make you stand, or sit, for hours on end in a picnic basket hanging under a flipping fire.

Pros:
1. Chance to plummet to your death.
2. Will reveal any hidden neuroses in those around you.
3. You can tell people that you’ve been up in a hot air balloon. They’ll nod and say something like “How interesting.” Phew, that’s ten seconds of awkward evening conversation solved for you. Maybe you can fabricate a story about the balloon being punctured and stretch it out to a minute?

Cons:
1. Lack of bathrooms.
2. Have you even been in conversation and felt like you couldn’t escape it? This experience will take it to a whole new level.
3. Your life is in the hands of someone who decided to pilot hot air balloons for a living. I’m not sure if it’s better or worse if this was their Plan B.

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