Good and Bad, Mostly Bad, Ways to Fill Your Empty Soul: #21 Spelunking



What it Entails:

Turn your back on the open sky, and the wonders of the distant stars. Ignore the luring call of the blue and the wild cry of birdsong. You want dirt. Dirt and stone. And the opportunity to be crushed to death.

Put a flashlight on your head, no, no, not that one, that one is far too trendy.

Now go and explore an underground world populated by the most beautiful creatures known to nature. Giant bugs. Spiders. Bats. Things as of yet unidentified by science that may well view you as food, or at the very least capture you and lay eggs in you. Survive.

1. It’s a hobby that you can use to hide your vampiric nature. Note: This is only a “pro” if you possess a mental disorder that causes you to think that you’re a vampire.
2. Lack of pollen to trigger your spring allergies.
3. Zero cell phone reception.

1. Cave-ins. Drawing the short straw. Death by cannibalism.
2. Cave-ins. Not drawing the short straw. Cannibalism.
3. Realization that you’re not cut out to be Batman.

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