Good and Bad, Mostly Bad, Ways to Fill Your Empty Soul: #19 Eat Fire

Eat Fire

fire eating

What it Entails:

Fire eating is like love, if you do everything right, you’re still going to get hurt.

Now that I’ve sold you on this prospect, let me tell you about the upsides of fire eating. You’re going to place a flaming baton in your mouth, a flaming baton that has been doused in a fuel that says “Harmful or fatal if swallowed.” Brilliant.

Once the fire is in your mouth, you need to close your lips around the baton tightly enough to deprive the flames of oxygen, but not so tightly that you actually touch the metal and melt any flesh. Seriously, why not do something safer like cage diving or bank robbing?

On top of this you’re going to be mildly poisoned by the fuel, you’ll have a headache, and your mouth will taste foul. Ever notice how fire eaters frequently swig from bottles of alcohol? Booze looks cooler than Listerine.

1. Learn to ignore pain.
2. You can run away with the carnival.
3. Can look spectacular, once, if you have long hair.

1. Many, many, blisters in your mouth.
2. Petroleum burps.
3. The learning curve.

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