Good and Bad, Mostly Bad, Ways to Fill Your Empty Soul: #17 White Water Rafting

White Water Rafting

white water rafting

What it Entails:

What it Entails:
White Water Rafting is a cross between boating and a thinly disguised attempt to end one’s life.

I can already hear your outcry, yes, yes, I know, someone would argue that the attempt isn’t disguised at all. Bear with me.

White water rafting involves getting in an inherently puncturable inflatable water going vessel, powered by nothing more than frenzied paddling of the mentally unstable (Who else would choose to do this?).

Where in that is the disguise you ask? Well, go back to the section where I said “Mentally Unstable.” As a participant, you too are mentally unstable. As a result it’s debatable whether or not you can be said to be doing anything more than participating in the human version of a lemming migration.

Paddle my pretties! Paddle!

Pros:
1. Should your subconscious plan “Succeed,” it is rare for people to later speak of you as selfish.
2. It’s loud, intense and there isn’t much time to talk.
3. Rocks. They’re big, they’re wet and they go by at high speed. It’s kind of like being Han Solo piloting the Millennium Falcon through an asteroid field.

Cons:
1. Inherently social activity.
2. Inferior to a Viking funeral pyre.
3. Complete absence of sharks in the water.

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