Good and Bad, Mostly Bad, Ways to Fill Your Empty Soul: #2 Cooking

Learn to Cook!

What it Entails:

Cooking good food at home can be expensive. There several factors to consider, the new pots and pans or other esoteric items that you might want, I’m still looking for a “Danish Dough Whisk.” Then there are the recipe books, you can of course use a recipe off of the internet, but it’s not as fun. Then there are the ingredients. Quality food requires quality ingredients.

Assuming you live on a budge how do you afford all of this? Theft. Almost all of us have a black shirt, black pants and black shoes. If you’re lucky you also have a black mask. If not you’ll need to “Procure one.”

Theft is itself an art, which will require that you improve your physical fitness and learn how to move silently. There are other lesser skills that would serve you well in this new endeavor, lock picking and surveillance come to mind. It may be worthwhile to enroll in a course to get your private investigator’s license to help with these worthy goals.

Pros:
1. Learn the fine art of theft.
2. Better food at home!
3. Your friends (if you have any) will get fatter, and as humans measure they’re happiness through the misery of others, as they get fatter, you get happier. Everyone wins, or at least you do.

Cons:
1. You may get fatter due to the succulent food that now graces your table.
2. You may feel obligated to feed others, lessening your social isolation.
3. Possible significant financial outlay for the cost of a private investigator’s course.

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